Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
