i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
then he tried to convert me to islam
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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