Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Hippo gnu deer
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
