i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
