So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I could make wine with my vomit
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
