Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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