I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
