Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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