every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
