I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
