I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
