I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
