it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
