Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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