My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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