Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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