Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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