I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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