It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
