Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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