So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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