You really coming over, don't trick.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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