I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
