Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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