We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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