I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize