whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
