I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
whose ass print is on the piano?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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