i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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