and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
