and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize