She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
