ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize