he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
