12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
