there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
