my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
