Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
