I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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