batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
