Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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