Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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