When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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