im drinking this country out of the recession.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
