Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize