if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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