I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize