somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
