There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
