Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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