Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
