all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
