one two three fourrrrnication!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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