Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize