Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
