I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
