I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize