So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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