Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
