Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
