Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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