i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
