if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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