DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
