haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize