Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
