I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
