Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
you never un-have a 4some
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
