Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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