he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
