I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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